He Said or She Said........
7 Ways to L.O.V.E. Y.O.U. and remember your Core Values when He Said or She Said something that doesn’t quite sit right with you!
HE SAID………… (or She Said)
Something that made you question YOU….so what do you do?
It’s easy for someone to tell you the first thing that comes to mind, “Give them the business right where you sit,” but sometimes we find ourselves simply caught in the moment of “what is happening now?” or even thinking “if i said what I really think, I could be fired immediately.”
Have this happened to you?? I know that I can absolutely relate!
Though you may be cursing them in your head, your facial expressions may be giving them every word non-verbally, or you have zoned out to think through how you got to this point….your reality is that you are still seated across from the person who has said something you do not agree with and it has hit you at your core.
Over the past two months, I have gotten a few questions on what my thoughts are to best handle feedback. I think this is partially because I consistently profess that feedback is a gift….which I truly do believe.
We have found ourselves in December! Hallelujah but hold on to your seats sports fans! The end of the calendar year is typically a time when your direct manager is plunging through quarterly reviews, you have increased stress driven by last minute work and personal deadlines, shopping for the holidays is still on your to do list and you still need to squeeze in time for reflection and to document your small wins.
Whew!!!!!! You’ve got a lot going on!
So WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO……………
My advise is to remember to L.O.V.E. Y.O.U as you hold on to your core.
…….Because YOU are talented, you are unique, you are an expert in what you do.
Listen Intently
Have you heard the saying, “You have two ears and one mouth and to use them accordingly?” If not, no problem, it may be something that my father put on instant repeat each time I put my foot in my mouth without truly using the opportunity to not only hear, but to listen.
Allow yourself to be present during the conversation by taking a deep breath when you realize that this is about to be a difficult conversation. Your undivided attention in the conversation allows you to understand not only what is being said to you, but the reason that they are saying it. Listening is the only true way to then be able to ask intelligent follow up questions that may drill a bit of clarity.
Option your opportunities
If feedback is a gift, what parts can you control? Well let’s think about this for a moment. It’s not a bad thing to make yourself vulnerable and invite input into your space. What you have power over is how you react to this gift that is being presented to you. Will you act upon each point? Is it something that you know will help you personally and/or professionally?
Consider after hearing what is said, to write down the strengths that came out of the conversation and the opportunities that were highlighted. Option them.
I am suggesting that you write them as a list and then give options on how they could help you if this area were improved. Choose then if you can leverage your strengths to help you. Choose if this is a priority for you at this point. Remember that you don’t need to necessarily grab all of these gifts with excitement :) Just because they were offered to you does not mean that you must readily unpack them. It’s ok to give yourself a bit of time.
Voice your understanding
Consider after you listen to the feedback to repeat back your understanding. As you summarize what you heard, it offers the other person to confirm or clarity the points. When you draw clarity, you can then focus on the most relevant information. You are clear on the points that they have made and can avoid assumptions or reading more into what was said. This, for me, has proven to open a dialogue of better understanding. In your emotion of “how dare you” thoughts during the conversation, you may have misheard a few points or related it to something unintended. Clarity breeds understanding.
Explore you and your role
Take time with the input and leverage this time to reflect and to explore. Is this feedback something that has been told to you in the past by another person? Have you explored if this feedback is worth unpacking and doing something with? What role did you play in the examples that were told to you?
Yesterday’s thoughts
Compare your “yesterday’s thoughts” to today. Once you have had a moment to sit on what was said, you then have a clear head to compare. Have your thoughts changed at all? Are you in more of an open space to receive the feedback that you may have blocked yesterday?
Organize with clarity
As you can see, clarity is an ongoing theme with each of the points as you L.O.V.E. Y.O.U. To be clear is to be focused and to be focused allows you to navigate the path that is best for you by assigning actions that yield the outcome that makes the most sense.
Use your strengths
At the end of the day, your core strengths are able to propel you to your greatness. They are what make you you. They are what you have become an expert in and likely are innate characteristics that you possess. The beauty in this is that these strengths have become part of your DNA. Use them to secure the resources and help you need to turn those opportunities into further strengths.
You are good at what you do. You are good at being you. Allow these strengths to work for you and help you L.O.V.E. Y.O.U even more.
Your strengths become your power so protect them. Don’t easily give these up or allow them to be taken away from you by a cloud of what others may not yet see. The feedback or input that was given to you is just that - a gift. What you control is when you unpack that gift, how you react to that gift, and how you allow yourself to bounce back!
Own it and l.o.v.e. y.o.u
I’d LOVE to see you at my upcoming February 2019 Women’s Weekend Renewal Retreat. Not only is it a sacred space to reflect and renew, but it is the perfect opportunity for you to love you even more. Investing in you to pause, reflect, and rejuvenate is PERFECT for you to jump start 2019.
Are YOU your top priority?
Hmmmm, how do you make you your top priority?
How many times have you said ABSOLUTELY as the response to this question because you know it is the right answer? How many times have endless thoughts danced in your head to then give you pause in taking those moments you need?
Likely this has happened to you once or twice. How do I know? Because I have had this happen to me as well. I have been there when little voices rouse up feelings of guilt, as if there is no time, or thoughts that you don't need to take your moments right now because you are doing just fine on your own. Far too often, as women, we don't take the necessary moments to PAUSE and renew ourselves.
Self-focus, self-doubt, self-sabotage, & self-limiting beliefs can knock us down and hold us hostage each day. The drive is knowing that we are better than the little voices in our heads. We are powerful, we are smart, we are warriors, we are determined. Even Wonder Woman pauses to simply be :) In the normal hustle and bustle, busy women like us can begin to renew ourselves by creating time in our schedules, shifting our mindsets, and knowing that taking care of us means that we are better able to take care of others. Here are a few tidbits on how to consistently renew you - one step at a time.
7 Steps to Renewing You.
1. Take Moments to BREATHE
To really breathe. Solitary deep breaths in of knowing you are enough, of positive energy, of your worthiness, of your commitment to greatness in your day. Deep breaths out of toxic energy, negativity, self-limiting beliefs, and of doubt.
2. Lean on FAITH & MEDITATION
To have a greater purpose beyond yourself and a faith that holds you up is a rock that is unshakable. Lean on it for strength and guidance as you move throughout your journey.
3. AFFIRM Yourself Daily
Address yourself in the mirror daily to profess what you will do and be within your day. Continue until this routine is missed if you momentarily forget.
4. Visualize Your GOAL
Get your goals on paper so that you can see it daily.
5. Identify Your SUPPORT SYSTEM
Occupy your space with people who will hold you up during your journey.
6. Communicate your LEAP PLAN
To leap is to know that there is a world of unknown awaiting for you.
7. COMMIT
Just do it! You got this!
RENEW yourself for the greatness that lies ahead.
Remember you are stronger and smarter than you may give yourself credit for.
Expose yourself to new experiences & be amazed at how your strengths propel you to soar.
Nourish your mind with positive energy & affirmations each day.
Execute your work with excellence, pride, & with everything you are proud to attach to your name.
Wish the same upon those who support you, then with your leadership, they will do the same.
Consider renewing YOU at an upcoming Women's Weekend Renewal & Training Retreat to reset right before the holidays. You will enjoy 11 other phenomenal women, at a serene location, private chef, workshops, mindfulness, and much more.
Lolita E. Walker is a change champion, speaker, and workshop facilitator at the forefront of a movement to help women shift their mindsets and take back moments for themselves. These moments translate to more productive, creative, and decisive individuals, who embrace change at the onset, act with clarity and confidence, and thrive, as they surpass their desired results. She moves powerful women into their own personal greatness to thrive in work, home, and life. Within the disruption, discomfort, fear, and doubts of change, are triumphs, successes, and wins. Lolita's brings those out of all of her clients. Her services range from creating personalized daily affirmations, to retreats, speaking, and coaching, to name a few.
